 Today’s topic on Oprah show has my mind reeling and thinking about my own ‘situation’ right now. They are talking about Can Women Really Have It All? Can you be a great mother and a successful career woman? Is it possible for women to have it all?
My take on this issue is why does society have to cause so much arguments about the two choices of being a SAHM (Stay at Home Mom) and a working mom? Why there are so many pressures on women to become a ‘super women’ in just about every aspect of our lives? I believe that these pressures are the culprit of many guilt’s we as women facing.
I do agree with Dr. Robin’s words about this issue. She said: "Guilt and having remorse, regret, is really in our lives to teach us not to torture us," she says. "You want to learn, 'What did I need to do that I didn't do? How did I neglect my needs or neglect my child?' … You can experience deprivation as a mother and thinking, 'Oh, my gosh, I'm ruining my child.' When your child, if you are attuned and connected to them, feels full and empowered."
I for one am a SAHM and I’m proud of it because I choose to do so not because my husband wanted me to. Having a child of my own now has shifted my priorities in life and in my heart, he comes first. Yes, we could use some extra money I will bring into the household if I work but for me, personally, I believe that those precious little moments in my child’s life such as his first ‘real’ smile, his first words, etc will never come twice. His childhood only lasted one time and I want to be there for him and that is something that no money in the world could ever buy. Having said that, I do not think less or of women who do decided to go back to work after having a baby. I truly respect and even admire them for their decisions. Who am I to judge?
Of course I would love to go back to the working world with all its rhythm and pace. I do miss that once in awhile but for now I am content and happy to be a SAHM. Maybe one day I could re-enter that world when the time is right or maybe I could be a WAHM (Working at Home Mom) who knows. It doesn’t makes me less of a person being a SAHM, I am still the same person as I was before the baby arrived but like I said, the priorities has shifted and there are some sacrifices that I believe need to be taken such as cutting back on some stuffs that aren’t really necessities in our home.
So do I believe women can really have it all? I think it all depends on your perspective of what you call ‘have it all’, women are free to make their own choices and as long as they are happy about it then it’s great. Bravo to all SAHM and working mothers!
 | sibohay wrote on Jan 23, '07, edited on Jan 23, '07 Oyen, sometimes to work, as a woman/wife/mother, isn't an option for the family. More like a need. I have lots of working mom friends and most of them have more than one kid. They really want to spend their life just to be with the kids at home, but it's moneywise thing. They somehow have to work it out; being absence when kids are sick, etc. Some are working with the schedule with their spouse, just to have somebody watching the kids.
But for those who have an option just to stay home with kids or to work, they have their own reason. In this case, I have no clue.
Anyway, I agree with you, I respect their hardwork and dedication as a working mom. It's not easy at all, I can tell. |
 | n4il4 wrote on Jan 23, '07 I truly agree with you. Either being a SHAM or WHAM or even career woman (CM), it's always hard to do. Nothing is easy to do except being a lazy person :)
I admire all of them, though. |
 | Oyennnnnnnn..samaaa..aku juga SHAM heeee.
Aku setuju banget..aku nggak mau kehilangan moment2 indah bersama si kecil , apalagi aku cuma mau punya anak satu aja. Soal extra money...aku nggak mau mikirin dulu.
Tuhan nggak pernah berhenti memberkati anak2 Nya, lewat jalan apapun..
Take care ya Yen,,,salam tuk Alex |
 | Stay home and enjoy it while you can, go back to work if you need to when he starts going to school. It works fine for me :-)) |
| Maureen.. you make a right choice.. being a full time mom and home maker is not easier than having a career.. and to see the smile of your precious baby?? It's priceless and you won't change that for the world. |
 | sundaro wrote on Jan 24, '07, edited on Jan 24, '07 Dear Maureen
I am so proud of your decision to stay home with Alexander. I know you trust God to direct your path. As a teacher I know how important it is for parents to spend quality time ( not quantity) with their child so I respect each parents position as long as their child's needs or being met.
Love Mom |
 | shintatr wrote on Jan 24, '07, edited on Jan 24, '07 They need to put stop on this SAHM vs. working moms. Both have their own priorities, decisions made based on many considerations for the children, family and herself. Like Maureen said, who are we to judge ?
Yes, we can have it all if you ask me. It's not only because of the money (working moms), but the confirmation of her own existence outside home. If she feels good about herself and about being a mother, the kids will be loved, nurtured and come out OK. It doesn't matter you stay at home or have jobs outside your house, if you feel content with your life and enjoying your motherhood, there's no need arguments which one is better for the kids.
Plus, why we put so much emphasize on Moms, what about Dads ? Dads can stay at home too ! Ask Carly Fiorina, former CEO of HP. |
 | So do I believe women can really have it all? I think it all depends on your perspective of what you call ‘have it all’, women are free to make their own choices and as long as they are happy about it then it’s great.
SETUJU AMA OYEN....
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 | Shinta perfectly voiced everything I wanted to say (thanks,girl). The only thing I'd like to ask to all of us is : Why the term SHAM is still used? Come on, they should change it a long time ago. This is my own term and I am extremely proud of it : Full-time mom!!!!! I work 24/7 nonstop, I am on-call 2/7 both physically and mentally and the worst part-MAKE BIG NOTE ON THIS- I have never get paid for anything .However, I am certain to tell anyone out there, that I am the happiest mom in the whole wide world because I have 3 well-rounded, well-behaved and happy children.As for my career? I have actually been polishing it since I quited the so-called real work place. I have been dealing with real complicated problems, layered of authorities, managing money, solving disputes, disagreement, and any other matters which occurs in any other workplaces. Therefore, I think being a mom should be considered a full-time career with a lifetime salary to enjoy. |
| Oyen..ini otak sedeng gue nich...jawab gue nich..cannot lah. banyak penggorbanannya.
kalau kepengen jadi SHAM ya...menikah and jadi ibu yang baik utk anak2/suami.
kalau kepengen punya karier ya...jangan menikah/punya anak..kerjarlah kariernya hehehe kalau sudah bosen yaaa..jadilah SHAM hehehehe...
|
 | wah tontonan kita sama' nih hi hi hi....OPRAH! |
 |  Oyen, sometimes to work, as a woman/wife/mother, isn't an option for the family. More like a need. I have lots of working mom friends and most of them have more than one kid. They really want to spend their life just to be with the kids at home, but it's moneywise thing. They somehow have to work it out; being absence when kids are sick, etc. Some are working with the schedule with their spouse, just to have somebody watching the kids.
But for those who have an option just to stay home with kids or to work, they have their own reason. In this case, I have no clue.
Anyway, I agree with you, I respect their hardwork and dedication as a working mom. It's not easy at all, I can tell.  Lia, I sure do understand that every family is different, every case is unique and I'm not the one who'll get out to judge them. Either being a stay at home mom or a working mom it's have its own ups and downs. Like you said everybody have their own reasons and choices to make and it's not easy but people should really stop the judgment thing about both sides. As long as it works out fine for SAHM or working Mom that's great.
Thank you for sharing Lia. ^_^ |
 | maunya dua2 nya jalan ya Yen :) kisses for Alex :)) |
| They need to put stop on this SAHM vs. working moms. Both have their own priorities, decisions made based on many considerations for the children, family and herself. Like Maureen said, who are we to judge ?
Yes, we can have it all if you ask me. It's not only because of the money (working moms), but the confirmation of her own existence outside home. If she feels good about herself and about being a mother, the kids will be loved, nurtured and come out OK. It doesn't matter you stay at home or have jobs outside your house, if you feel content with your life and enjoying your motherhood, there's no need arguments which one is better for the kids.
Plus, why we put so much emphasize on Moms, what about Dads ? Dads can stay at home too ! Ask Carly Fiorina, former CEO of HP. Couldn't said it much better than that Shinta!
If being a working mom will make you a better, happier person which in the end benefit the childrens developmental states than it's wonderful. If staying at home is your priority than it's great too. I just don't like the way that they put the pressure on both sides.
About SAHD (Stay at Home Dad) society seems to be very unfair and tends to see them with raised eye brows don't you think?
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| Shinta perfectly voiced everything I wanted to say (thanks,girl). The only thing I'd like to ask to all of us is : Why the term SHAM is still used? Come on, they should change it a long time ago. This is my own term and I am extremely proud of it : Full-time mom!!!!! I work 24/7 nonstop, I am on-call 2/7 both physically and mentally and the worst part-MAKE BIG NOTE ON THIS- I have never get paid for anything .However, I am certain to tell anyone out there, that I am the happiest mom in the whole wide world because I have 3 well-rounded, well-behaved and happy children.As for my career? I have actually been polishing it since I quited the so-called real work place. I have been dealing with real complicated problems, layered of authorities, managing money, solving disputes, disagreement, and any other matters which occurs in any other workplaces. Therefore, I think being a mom should be considered a full-time career with a lifetime salary to enjoy. I love that 'tittle' FULL TIME MOM! and I second all the things you so brightly put in words. Cheers for full time moms! ^_^ |
 | myerin wrote on Jan 24, '07, edited on Jan 24, '07 As a stay at home mom cieeeeee piwitttttt ( pake tepuk tangan segala saking bangganya ) I actually learned is that I really like my life right now . I know myself far better now that I have patience tested daily. I have deeper understanding of what it means to love someone now that I have person in my life I would die for. And I get to experience more joy, more laughter ,more tears, more frustration and more excitement than any performance could bring. Yes, I do miss some of the things about my life before my kid came along. But there will come a time when I can go back to those things. And I do, I will return to them as a far wiser, more compassionate, more grace-filled person because I will have been changed by the richest life experience of them all.
And for working mom I give you guys two thumbs up, It's amazing how you guys can manage it all between family and career while myself still need more than 24 hours a day. |
 | Setuju dgn Oyen, kembali ke pilihan masing2. |
 | igoe wrote on Jan 24, '07 Oyen, personaly I think YES, women can really have it all! it's really all about what's in your heart. To me personally, when you feel happy with just the way you are, with all you have, then...yes, you are trully have it all.
Gue juga kepengen nih jadi Mommy...do'ain dong bow! :-) |
 | ariegozali wrote on Jan 25, '07, edited on Jan 25, '07 It really is hard to be a working mom. I wish i didn't have to worry about my daughter's future, true that those moments only happen once, but we're only given a chance once to provide the best for the family. It's either now or never (to me anyway) - I am the kind of person who like to have a security in life.
I would come home crying every night the first few months I went back to work. I had regretted going back to work and wishing that I would've spent time longer bonding with my daughter. I am really trying hard to have a balance between my career and my family. So many things are on hold right now(getting my CPA is one of them), but I am patient and persistent. |
 | jatex wrote on Jan 25, '07, edited on Jan 25, '07 I am a woman just follow my heart, no matter what being SAHM or working mom in the future. I agree with you both are unvaluable. |
 | Being both? I think this is imposible. You either choose to work outside and hire some people to take care of the house and kids, or you stay home and take care of the house and kids yourself. Some lucky moms stay at home and get to hire some people to help them out, or even have the dad become the stay at home person, this is another story. But, choosing to work at home or outside has nothing to do with being a "mom", a mom is a figure that cannot be replaced, even by a dad.
Nuturing as a mom does not mean having to do everything for the house and kids 24/7. You love your kids in the mommy way, that is what moms do, they can do this between jobs outside or between jobs inside the house (working as a SAHM is as much work!). You can neglect being a mommy even if you are home as much as if you choose to work outside. But moms who stay at home surely have it easier to do the mommy thing than those who work outside. But I do know some moms who work outside of the home who can do just as well. Just up to the personality of the mom to choose (if they can) what they want to do. Salam kenal. Tika |
| Being both? I think this is imposible. You either choose to work outside and hire some people to take care of the house and kids, or you stay home and take care of the house and kids yourself. Some lucky moms stay at home and get to hire some people to help them out, or even have the dad become the stay at home person, this is another story. But, choosing to work at home or outside has nothing to do with being a "mom", a mom is a figure that cannot be replaced, even by a dad. First of all, thank you for sharing your thoughts about this & salam kenal kembali Tika.
IMHO, many families make the long hours of working a full time job still manage to have a good family and being a great mother. There is some truth in the old saying “It’s not the quantity, it’s the quality”.
Whatever you decide, as long as it’s what’s best for you and your family also as long as you are happy, I believe you could ‘have it all’ according to your definition of that word.
For me personally, I’m still very much smitten by our baby and I choose to be a SAHM for the time being. However, my child doesn’t define who I am, but he certainly shapes me. He makes me a better person, more patient and understanding. And he has definitely taught me how to make the most of my time.
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